the doorway

Cold... Dark... It's raining... 

It feels like I've been walking for decades... 

My head down... My eyes lost in the millions of thoughts that everyday cross my simple mind. I think of the day that just went by... Ordinary day... I'm sick of ordinary...

Streets are all alone. It's crazy to be out walking at this time, with this weather. It's so cold my skin is numb. My coat is now just a mantle of water over me. I can't look up, there's no reason to. I don't move because I want to, I move because my feet have decided to. I don't really have the energy or will to take myself in any direction. My mind is separated from my body and even from myself. It feels as if I was three different beings. One is walking... The other is considering everything about this day... And me... I'm just watching, I can't do anything else but watch.

It's funny how the deepest darkness and the coldest days can make me start to wonder about life. There is nothing else but me on the street. Birds went to bed a long time ago... Dogs are sleeping... People are just not there anymore. There's just me and this lonely street.

Something is telling me to stop.

Why? There's nothing here... I know it because I've walked this same street my whole life. I've been down this cold lonely road all my existence  and there's never been anything or anyone else...

Goddammit, stop!!!!

I do.

I'm looking at my feet. Looking down to the ground. But something... Something is there... This is strange, I've never seen this before... It's always being me and just me... Alone in my mind... Alone in my heart... Alone

What is that...?

I hesitate... Look up... should I?

What for? I know there's nothing there...

C'mon feet, move again. It was nothing... 

No movement...

They felt it too... It's not just me... My feet are curious now... They turn to one side... 

And what does my mind have to say in all this...? 

My never-resting mind is quiet... It's not thinking about all the problems of this day. It's not wondering about yesterday and planning tomorrow. It's just quiet and paying attention now...

Ok... My feet won't move... My mind won't speak... My heart stopped beating now... Something crawling down my spine... My eyes... they want to see... I know this street, it's EMPTY!!! I've walked the SAME PATH for years... since the begging of my time and just now... just now....

I realize... there's some light... a doorway... 

Ok feet... You wanted this... now move... Take one step... then another... take me to that doorway. Bring me to the light...

I stand in front of this doorway... I look inside... 

It can't be........ this just can't be.............. how...??? how is this possible...???

 

There is.......... someone there...

That's... that's an angel...

I've just seen an angel...

how could I have missed this my whole life.......???