aut vincere... aut mori...

This is one of those days when things just don't seem to work out. You look out the window and all is gray. The sun seems to be hidden behind a curtain of clouds and fog and, of course, smog from the city you live in. You realize you have done all in your power. All you could. Still, it was not enough to make it. You tried different ways and you expected at least one of them to work; none did. You had what you thought was your sure way out, the safe passage to heaven. Yet, it just doesn't work out like you expected. That safe passage, that way out... Now it's gone and it's probably not coming back. It was a dream, an illusion. The rock you were standing on just faded out and revealed the true fact: you are not standing, you are falling.

It's not that your mad at anybody or anything. You're not really disappointed in what happened. You understand where they're coming from and what they mean. They only want what's best for you, but sometimes you don't. You know that it's surely not your best idea, your best plan. It's actually stupid to do so, nonetheless you want to try. You've heard that the way to learn something is by making mistakes and you are willing to risk that chance and make your own mistakes. Even when others are already telling you that it's wrong. You don't care. You can't. You have had everything and everybody against you (or at least so it feels... It's surely an illusion, but it feels too damn real). You're swimming against the current and simply won't give up. There might be a bear waiting for you at the end of the river, but is that a sure fact? Will that bear catch you and take you apart? Are you sure about this, about your future, about your deaths? Personally... Simply knowing that I don't know... it keeps me going...

YES, it's hard.
YES, they are not going to help you.
YES, it's going to take you more than expected.
YES, it might (most likely will) hurt.
YES, you'll miss out on many things.
YES, it looks, feels and even smells like a dream.
YES, you can't manage right now. (This doesn't mean you won't)
YES, it fucking IS tough!!!

NOW THE QUESTION IS SIMPLE...

WILL YOU GIVE UP?
WILL YOU FALL TO YOUR KNEES?
WILL YOU YIELD?
WILL YOU SURRENDER?
WILL YOU CONQUER, OR WILL YOU DIE?!?!?!

The answer... comes in a shout from the darkest deepest corners of your soul. It's a roar that makes the ground shake... all stands in awe staring at you while fear overtakes their spirits. Demons halt, angels stay still... humans stare... and you...

you are standing in the center...

NOOOO!!!!!!!!! I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!!! I WILL NOT YIELD!!! I WILL NOT SURRENDER!!!!

I WILL CONQUER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

or I shall die trying...