Thoughts on life, love and... ???

I just finished watching the end of a movie called "Love Actually". You have probably seen it and I hope you really liked it because I love this movie.

It has been a long while since I last wrote in this blog and I'm sorry for that. I wanted to write more often when I started this and I remember my 'usual' fuel of writing were some experiences regarding love which might not have been the best of my life.

Then again, I see this kind of movies and I wonder about my own life and my own relationships. Life is not like a movie in many ways. First of all (and one of the biggest points in my opinion) is that life doesn't really have a soundtrack. You can add music to it, but it's just not the same. In my life music is very important and a soundtrack would be b-e-a-utiful! This should explain, to some extent, why I am always wearing earphones.

Now then, besides music, life is really not like many of the fairy tales we see in movies. It's strange how in movies things usually work out and in life is usually the other way around. Or at least so it seems... And I guess that's the purpose of this small (I hope) piece of work.

Movies have a script; they have a beginning, a couple of issues or problems, intrigue, twists and finally an end. In two hours or less you will be taken throughout a persons life (or several people) and a story will be told. In the case of this particular movie, several stories about love and very VERY particular situations. This scripts tell people EXACTLY what they are supposed to do, how to react, what to say, who to look at, what faces to make and so on and so forth. BUT!!! What about life? Who tells you what to do or what to say? What are the words you're supposed to say to the person you like? Is it going to sound the way you're thinking about it? Or will the words that come out of your mouth (or cellphone or comment or post) screw you over and turn you upside down?
Well... Nobody is telling you what to do.

And that IS the beauty of life! There are NO scripts, NO fixed dialogues, NO prepared situations. NOTHING in life, really, is set up. And if something is, it shouldn't be. Why? Simple: life is about surprises. About NOT knowing the very next thing, the very next moment. What would be the fun in it if we knew exactly what was going to happen? We'd be better off dead.

At this point in my life I have a lot going on for me. I'm studying, I have a beautiful family, friends I never imagined I could have, purpose and changes and I'm currently looking into a romantic opportunity. I'm not saying I have it all or I know it all. But I AM saying that I have a lot. And I'm very thankful for what I have. But all this that I have is here not because it was written or pre-set. It's here because of the decisions I've made and the decisions other people have made. We never got together to agree on what we were going to say/do/think/etc. We just went with it.

Bottom line: GO WITH IT!!! Don't be reckless and stupid (although I have to say it sometimes pays off); think about what your're doing, but don't let anything hold you back. Mistakes? No... Life experiences.

There is nothing set, nothing written. The story is yet a blank page... What are you waiting for? Get out there and LIVE!!!

looooong time...

so yeah, for quite some time I haven't written here... and now here I am, thinking about what I should write...

Many different topics come to mind: girls (my usual topic), work (my recent topic since I just started working), family (which is ALWAYS a topic), friends (one of the best features of a persons life). But I'm still not sure and I'm just going to do what I usually do: talk about whatever.

First of all let me paint you a lil' picture: Guy at a table. It's a pretty big table for 6 people (I know there are bigger, but it's big enough for me right now...) and he's with his laptop. Has got a bowl of soup between the laptop and him and he's just writing whatever comes to his mind. Kinda like this right now.

I guess I'm a bad writer when it comes to describing a scenario. At least the last paragraph: not award-worthy. Nonetheless I shall keep on writing for it has been a long time since my last entry. And even tho I believe not many read this it still helps me get through storms and shadows. Those dark roads we all travel by.

Right now I'm not really walking on a dark road. As a matter of fact things are looking up: I have a job, I am currently studying something I really like, I have some of the best friends a person could ask for, I love my family (even tho we have our fights).

One things kinda bothers me right now. But I shouldn't really talk about it in the open like this. I know I'm not usually the guy who keeps things to himself. As a matter of fact I usually write everything I feel like writing and everything that's happenin' to me at the moment. But sometimes it's best to keep some secrets to yourself.

Anyway... This is not an entry to talk about deep feelings or serious situations. It's not about life and what comes after it or how we should behave in it. How life can be great and bad at the same time (because it can).

You know what? I just got into the mood to write a short story... hehe... I'm going to start a new entry... and try to write something ;)

Remember yesterday?

It's 1 in the morning and I have to wake up at about 6. I'm going to church tomorrow, having breakfast and then a whooooole lot of activities to do. But then again, that's not really why I started this blog...

Just a few minutes ago I was looking at some very very old yearbooks. Yesterday I went to a party (btw, I still owe you the story about that party... Some good moments there which I might just write about...) and there one of my friends introduced me to his girlfriend. Turns out she was my best friend when I was in first grade. Wanna know how many years have gone by? Well, lemme just say I was looking at the 1996 yearbook and yes, we are all there.

You know... Time really does go by fast. Just yesterady I was still in school and now I'm in college. Yesterday I didn't have to worry about projects, midterms or anything. There were just a few homeworks, getting up early in the morning to be ready for school, some exams... The usual... Now things are a lot different... Times are a lot different too...

I'm gonna keep this post kinda short since I do have to go to sleep (even though I'm not really sleepy). The whole point of this is to make you realize how fast life is going. How ready you have to be to keep on keeping on. Every day has about 24 hours (it's not exact... just close enough for us humans) and you can do a LOT in 24 hours. As a matter of fact you can do a lot in just about an hour. A few minutes of talking to someone can change your life and sometimes... There are a few moments in life that just take seconds... Those moments can even define you or where you are heading...

Today also I was reading a book called "La Resistencia" (The Resistence) by Ernesto Sabato (great writer, you should check it out if possible). It reminded me of how lost we all can get inside this online living. How we all just keep forgeting how beautiful life is around us... Have you just stopped and looked at the sky lately? Promise me this... Tomorrow or even today... You will stop doing whatever you are doing. It doesn't really matter if it's work, school, chores, watching TV or whatever. You will stop whatever it is you are doing and just take a deep breath, go outside and look at the sky. If it's raining watch the beauty of it. If it's a sunny day then just take in the sun and all it's energy. If it's cloudy look at the beautiful forms they build... Once you do that... You'll realize how beautiful life is and how much you've missed it.

Trust me on this one... I may just be a kid (I'm 21) but I have lost parts of my life for worrying about things not worthy... for paying more attention to details than this amazing journey we call life...

Take a moment and breath in the life around you... Remember yesterday? Well that's gone... And it went by just a 'lil too fast... Try to take in today... Live today... Breath today... Love today...

Look up...

{{ This is a short story I once wrote... Can't remember right now why I wrote it... But some people thought it was nice and maybe... just maybe... it's worth reading... }}

Once upon a time there was this man. He lived in a gray world, surrounded by objects and matter. He didn't have anyone left. His parents had died; he had fallen in love once but she was long gone now, she left him for another man. He was still young, around 30 years of age, and he was a very healthy person. Healthy in body, but his mind was troubled. He felt like he was all alone despite all those people he knew, despite his friends from work, despite the fact that every morning at 6:35am he'd walk outside his house, pick up the newspaper and start a very friendly conversation with Mr. Caldwell, his neighbor. Somehow it all felt empty...

Life had no color anymore; it had no scent and it was filled with cold. He could still remember those years of youth, when he was still in school, how everything felt so vividly, everyone was so loving and caring and he was another man. He sat down at his table, coffee in hand, newspaper in the other hand. Mr. Caldwell was just telling him about the new medicine he had bought to treat his cardiac disease. For a moment there he just looked straight ahead, glaring at a distant past. He thought of the day he met his ex-wife. Oh how beautiful that day felt. He was just hanging out with his friends at the local coffee house, chatting about their latest math class and how horrible the mid-terms are going to be. All of the sudden he was dragged into silence by this beautiful woman who had just walked in. He forgot about his friends, forgot about school, even forgot he was leaning back with his chair and fell down making this horrible noise. A small grin shows up in his face as he recalls how she looked at him with that heavenly smile. He picked himself up while his friends where just laughing and joking about how 'gracefully' he had sat on the floor. He could do nothing but look at her. Then she walked out of that coffee shop and he just stood there; watching her leave, wishing he was brave enough to walk up to her and talk to her. He didn't. But that was not the end of it... Like I said before, his ex-wife...

He finished his coffee, finished reading the newspaper. Nothing new, some dead people, murdered by other men who have just lost every bit of humanity left in them. They're nothing but breathing beasts that take what they want and leave. Sometimes they even take lives. The new mayor had made some changes in traffic routes and he just knew how chaotic today's driving was going to be. He didn't really care. Spending time alone in traffic, waiting to get to a place I don't really want to be, having to spend 10 hours sitting behind a desk which brings me misery... Yes, it doesn't really sound that bad... He thought to himself...

Yet another day of nothingness and gray lives. Yet another moment in which nothing is felt, nothing is hoped... This day when you just don't find anything to live for. He was having yet another day like that. Nothing to look forward to. This was his life, and he was sure nothing was about to change.

He had the car keys in one hand and his laptop in the other, walked out of the house waiting for nothing, thinking this was the beginning of another pointless week. However this time it was different, somehow he stopped right outside his door, looked up... And he saw the wind blowing the fallen leaves away, he heard birds singing, saw kids playing down the street. Somehow it was different, somehow he felt different. It was like, for a very brief instant, life had stopped moving, everything beautiful was standing still before him; a brief moment to hold on to... He didn't pay much attention to it, a bump on the road he thought.

He got to his desk and it was all where he had left it, all but a note. This is strange... A bright post-it glued to his desk saying: "you're gonna have a great day today" and a smiley next to it. Who had left this here? His secretary knew nothing about it. This is strange... He thought...

At noon he was called to his boss's office. "You've been doing an amazing job lately! So much, that we have decided to give you a raise and paid vacations in Aruba!" His boss had a great smile as he spoke this words. He could simply not believe it... What's this? I'm smiling?

About to leave, everything packed. He was closing his office's door and he heard a soft voice. "Did you get my note?" He turned around and there were these two green pearls looking back at him. He couldn't really respond to that question, but somehow managed to blurt out a simple: "yes..." "Well I hope you did have a great day, and I hope tomorrow is even better than today" she turned around and walked away. He stood there, looking at her. She stopped, turned around, looked at him and smiled. He smiled back. She left.

"This was a very good day" he thought. He then remembered one thing: God had given him life. He was still breathing, and it was because he was still breathing that he could live that day. Life was still worth living... What started out as a very gray day, a day which promised nothing but loneliness nothing but cold... Turned out to be a very good day... It all started... When he looked up...

when God...

so this is really my frist blog... i've been writing for a while now, but this is the first time i open up a blog and make it even more public... i've been "publishing" my "essays" in other places or sumtimes just give it to friends... but i want to try this out and here i am. Hope u like it and plz, leave me a comment... if u like it or don't, just comment on it so i can improve my writing... thank you =)

u know... i wanted to go out today... i didn't feel like staying home and just living... i didn't want to think bout wut i've been thinking lately...

u c recently i lost someone who i believe i love... not "loved" but love... and that hurts... quite a lot. Most of u will know wut i'm talking bout... losing someone i mean.

In my case it's kinda ridiculous but then again i am kinda ridiculous... i have my weird moments and i wouldn't change them for anything; they make me who i am... and i wouldn't change who i am even when sumtimes it hurts a lot to be how i am...

and why am i writing all this? well... like a note i wrote a while ago... this is completely selfish... i'm writing cuz i need to, cuz i have to, cuz if i don't, my heart will break and i won't be able to put it back together... i'm a dramatic fellow, so either accept it or stop reading...

so how bout the title eh? "when God..." i wrote it cuz i was answering a wall post from my sis from another mother... a girl who's always been there for me and who i really do love... (thnx girl... u know who u are...) and u c... i was bout to write a line on her wallpost... comment it... and i was going to write sumthing which i believe was better declared as a note... when God made me... i'm sure He thought sumthing like: "let's make this guy a tough one... one who can take everything and anything that comes his way... who can withstand all the seasons in life... storms, hurricanes and earthquakes... one who can face death and laugh in it's face... who will never shake... who will take on the world if he has to... who's heart can take the pain... the pain that comes in life..."

at least that wut i wish He had thought... but guess wut? i'm mistaken... i'm not a tough guy and my heart doesn't really take the pain... me, by myself, can NOT accomplish anything... and i wish i were that tough guy in my head... that guy who can just stand up again and keep walking... but i'm not that guy... and it hurts not to be... but it is in MY FLAWS that God shows His true power u know? if it were by my strength i would be dead already... i couldn't stand this... nor would i wanna... but it is Him who takes my hand when i've fallen and picks me up again... it is Him who has never left my side... who sat next to me and hugged me as i cried... when i felt the loneliest He was there... when the world collapsed and came down on me He was there... He's always been there...

i don't really know why i wanted to write this but i'm kinda glad i am... it's making me feel better as i write and i know a lot of u will be moved and touched by this... because i know many of u have felt alone... many of u have felt like the walls close in and the roofs starts falling... but there He is... He's never left ur side either... that's the beauty of being God... He can be everywhere at the same time... so when He's with me, He's also with you... and in a way... u and me are together... so we're never alone u see?

i am crying as i write this... and i don't cry that much... but lately i've found peace in crying... specially if u realize that Jesus is holding u... and u can just cry and let go... cuz that's wut He wants... He wants to take care of you, cuz He knows sumtimes life's just overwhelming... but He can take it... remember the tough guy i wanted to be? Well... He's better at it than i am...

just to finish this note... i wanted to explain a lil bit bout my status... it says sumthing like: "I've become the murderer of my own hope... i gotta..."
to those who still worry bout me, don't... there is a reason why i have to murder hope... and it is quite simple...
u see in life not everything is up to u... sum choices just depend on someone else... and they do affect ur life... it just happened to me and i'm sure it has happened to u too... and it happens in a lot of different ways...
in my case i have to murder hope so i can move on and get past this... i don't mean all my hopes and wishes... i'm just talking bout hoping to get sumone back in my life... it's simply not going to happen and for me to move on that hope has to die...

that's it... i just gotta move on... to move on i just gotta let go... and that hope has to be over...