a simple conversation...

What I'm about to write is not really something that I came up with... It's not a story, nor an essay... It's a conversation between two very good friends: myself and Xan Castañeda (who is, by the way, one of the best people I know in this world. Lots of luv bro)

It started out as a simple conversation... but quickly became a way to express feelings and thoughts about life and much more...

I'm not going to specify who wrote what... And here it begins...

--->>> <<<---

look at what I wrote:

how much I dream of... of things I shouldn't dream of... 

how much I long for... for someone I'm not sure  should be longing for... 

how much I miss peace... and quiet... and how much I miss... you... 

and how much I want... you... and............ you....

I recall a haiku when reading your's

a poet climbed to the top of the temple of yesterday

and wrote on a stone

3 lines he wrote

and then he carved the lines out

for the tittle of the poem was PAIN

and it cannot be read

it can only be lived

yet in this misery I stay... and I wish, I hope, I pray...

for better days... for brighter days...

it is the darkest just before dawn... 

when many give up hope and drown

don't despair

and hope will die last... everything might be lost...

all dead and destroyed...

but hope...

hope remains

like a blossomed flower in the midst of winter...

between the cold... between the ice

even the weakest flame can melt ice

even the weakest flame... can start a fire... 

to overcome a heart...

a soul

a spirit

a life

life is love, 

misbelief between love and want

to want is to desire for oneself

to love, is to sacrifice, for one else

to live... to love... to laugh...

the simple pleasures of life... 

those blessed ones that can achieve true love... 

it's like climbing upon your own cross 

and stabbing through your own chest

for love is not selfish... love is not alone...

love is meant to be shared... love is meant to be lived

love is life, if you are missing love, 

you are missing out on life

in our chairs we seat... we watch and behold... 

how life walks us by... and there's nothing we can do

don't just sit by, go walk with it

endless are the roads

and all lead to Rome

this Rome you talk about... who lives there? 

will I finally find what I've been looking for? 

or will it take me to yet another place... 

another place where the sun is shadowed... when she smiles... 

where angels hold their breath... as she sings... 

where I can finally... 

hold her hand...?

you will go where you need to go...

your mind storms with chaos....

be still... listen to what the winds whisper

and you will find your answers

how can a blind wanderer know more about his world 

than those who have seen it with their eyes?

because he LISTENS...

become aware of what is not true

become acquainted with what is not obvious

to finally see... what no other man can see... 

to hear... what is just a quiet word... 

to feel... at last... her love

who is this muse we talk about?

no name shall be set free... 

imprisonment! why?! 

some things... are better left unspoken... 

some names... better left unsaid... 

some wishes... better left in the hearts and minds of men

men.... cursed beings them be

yet how many beautiful words they can summon... 

how much greatness achieved... 

your heart needs not to worry...

for this muse...

this muse has a name...

and oh her beautiful name... and oh her beautiful self...

she has taken the very warmth of my heart... and I wish it'd come back...

I worry not for my heart...... 

it's locked away.... 

in a chest it rests until God wants me to bear its burden again

don't let her spells deprive you of your flames

even the warmth of hearts, can't be destroyed, it's only transformed

or given... or taken... she has never asked for it... but I would give it gladly... 

this flames cannot be tamed... they cannot be put to rest...

they shall burn and burn...

and burn they shall

until they've consumed... 

all that is me... all that I stand for...

you should die....

and be reborn from your ashes

with a renewed strenght to hunt thy dreams

to pursue... what seems to be unreachable... 

but in the end... love shall conquer... 

love shall overcome... love... will guide us home

and at last...

we shall live

at last...

we shall rest...

at last... 

pray we must

Lord we thank you for we are blessed

we have our youth, let us use it to shape thy will

guide us through this tormented seas, don't let us be led astray from the light

we thank you father for our legs, for they are strong and carry us to where we must

we thank you for our hands, beautiful tool that allows us to create, shape, and destroy

we thank you for our minds,... which, empty yet as they are.... 

still being filled, like drops of rain slowly fill the empty jars

please let us use that rain, to water the soil of a great future, and let our actions harvest prosperity, maturity, and peace, for mankind.

Amen

Amen

--->>> <<<---

It is just the minds and hearts

 of men who wonder about life and death

 who can, in the end,

speak these words...

The Holy Land

I fall to one knee...

I can see them in front of me... They are ready to continue this battle... They are here to destroy me and I am here to stop them... This is not what I chose... It's not the path I set for myself a long time ago... This is not the time nor the place I had planned...

Looking down to the ground... Rain pouring down on the battlefield... My blade in my hand... I'm tired... I'm sick of this... I just don't want to fight anymore... Why are they here? Why can't I just let go?

They scream for blood... They want mine... I want to live... They stand between me and my future... Between me and my hope...

I know that beyond this line of death... of destruction... there is a quiet valley. A place where I can finally rest and just be... It's not far from here..

Peace... I want peace...

Those who have dared awaken my wrath in the past have seen their blood drench my clothes and their soul been ripped out from their chests... There shall be no mercy for those who rise against me. I shall free them from this land... from this earth... They will vanish and I will remain. I will go to the Holy Land...

Yes....... It is time...........


Still down on one knee I tighten the grip on my blade. I can feel a lighting bolt find its way down my spine. My hearts starts beating fast. My eyes close... I rise to my feet...


Yes....... I scream.......

DEMONS!!!!

ALL OF YOU FEARS AND SHADOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!

HEAR ME NOW!!!!!!

YOU CAME FOR ME... 

HERE I AM!!!!

let us finish what you've started.........

I SHALL BE FREE!!!!!

and tonight... 

 you all will die...

the doorway

Cold... Dark... It's raining... 

It feels like I've been walking for decades... 

My head down... My eyes lost in the millions of thoughts that everyday cross my simple mind. I think of the day that just went by... Ordinary day... I'm sick of ordinary...

Streets are all alone. It's crazy to be out walking at this time, with this weather. It's so cold my skin is numb. My coat is now just a mantle of water over me. I can't look up, there's no reason to. I don't move because I want to, I move because my feet have decided to. I don't really have the energy or will to take myself in any direction. My mind is separated from my body and even from myself. It feels as if I was three different beings. One is walking... The other is considering everything about this day... And me... I'm just watching, I can't do anything else but watch.

It's funny how the deepest darkness and the coldest days can make me start to wonder about life. There is nothing else but me on the street. Birds went to bed a long time ago... Dogs are sleeping... People are just not there anymore. There's just me and this lonely street.

Something is telling me to stop.

Why? There's nothing here... I know it because I've walked this same street my whole life. I've been down this cold lonely road all my existence  and there's never been anything or anyone else...

Goddammit, stop!!!!

I do.

I'm looking at my feet. Looking down to the ground. But something... Something is there... This is strange, I've never seen this before... It's always being me and just me... Alone in my mind... Alone in my heart... Alone

What is that...?

I hesitate... Look up... should I?

What for? I know there's nothing there...

C'mon feet, move again. It was nothing... 

No movement...

They felt it too... It's not just me... My feet are curious now... They turn to one side... 

And what does my mind have to say in all this...? 

My never-resting mind is quiet... It's not thinking about all the problems of this day. It's not wondering about yesterday and planning tomorrow. It's just quiet and paying attention now...

Ok... My feet won't move... My mind won't speak... My heart stopped beating now... Something crawling down my spine... My eyes... they want to see... I know this street, it's EMPTY!!! I've walked the SAME PATH for years... since the begging of my time and just now... just now....

I realize... there's some light... a doorway... 

Ok feet... You wanted this... now move... Take one step... then another... take me to that doorway. Bring me to the light...

I stand in front of this doorway... I look inside... 

It can't be........ this just can't be.............. how...??? how is this possible...???

 

There is.......... someone there...

That's... that's an angel...

I've just seen an angel...

how could I have missed this my whole life.......???